Seeing you today made me feel like my heart was being ripped open. One week of pulling myself together and closing the wound went down the drain, just like that. I thought I was okay but I guess I'm not strong enough. I broke down after service and I don't know why endless streams of tears started to trickle down my cheeks. I wasn't even thinking but I know my heart hurt. I just kept praying and praying and asked Him what I should do, and to take it away. God brought me Best and she walked over. The greatest feeling of all is to cry in your best friend's arms. She knew exactly the things I was crying about and she just hugged me and let me sob on her shirt. I tried to talk to her but I didn't know what to say. Then she whispered to me "It's not your fault okay?" "This is the last lap already, you really want this right? Don't give up k."
To think I distanced myself away from her the entire week because of you just makes me sad. This morning, I was so transparent and vulnerable in front of her and I'm really comforted to know that my best friend's here for me, loving me the way that I was despite how shitty I looked with my welled up eyes and mucus all over my face. For once, I feel happy because I know that there will always be that one person who I can truly believe and trust in and she won't ever hurt me the way you did. I love you Valery.
But despite all these, God told me to trust and love you unconditionally. As ironic as this sounds, I'm going to obey Him and do just that. It sounds loserish to want to cling onto something after what has happened, but if this honours Him then I don't mind being a fool for Christ. Hopefully one day you will come back and you'd learn how to enjoy our friendship again. I don't know when it would be, maybe never.
But I guess I just have to wait on Him.
